Two more weeks

I can't believe how time flies. I've got 2 more weeks left to my maternity leave. It seemed like it was ages away and would never end... every day and every minute with Marc is precious and knowing that the prospect of returning to work draws nearer, I've become more patient with him and even his difficult moments are easier to bear. I will miss him heaps and heaps when I return - thankfully I return mid week on a Wednesday after new years', so it won't seem like a whole long week to face without him. I guess returning to work is a bittersweet experience. On the one hand, I will miss sharing his milestones, watching him smile and babble to me during the day time, taking him on our daily walks to Holland Village. On the other hand, its nice to have my own time and life back and being able to have a conversation with adults will be refreshing. I'm sure it will also help me be a better mother in a way, as I will treasure each moment when I'm with him and give him more quality time. As it is, I'm usually caught up with chores and other things during the day whilst he's most alert and wakeful, so he's had to learn to play on his own.

I'm apprehensive about how I will cope with the lack of sleep though! He's a good sleeper at night - usually in bed by 7.30pm, then woken up for a feed between 12-2am (depending on when the Husband and I go to sleep) and he wakes on his own between 5.30 to 6.30am. He's a horrible sleeper during the day though, he can't nap for longer than an hour, usually 30mins or 45mins, so he gets over tired very easily. The solution we've found is to take him out - he loves going out and looking around and when I walk to Holland Village in the Baby Bjorn, it lulls him to sleep on our return leg. The solution I've found for me is for me to express milk at 8pm, nap from 10pm to 12/1am, then feed him and do a last expression for the night until he wakes up in the morning. I get through the day drowsy but I'm more or less able to handle it without a nap.

We've decided to hire a domestic helper - balancing ministry, work, family and the Husband's part time study is possible without a helper, but it means either one of us spends time on chores (and trust me, scrubbing bottles and breast pump funnels takes AGES) which means less time for the other things that matter. A domestic helper also frees us up during the day when I'm at work and when the Husband needs to be out to attend meetings, etc. In a ministry that involves people, its not unusual for emergency meetings or crises to arise. A domestic helper gives us the flexibility to be available. My in laws have been very kind to allow us to transfer their existing helper to us. She's been with them for a couple of years and is responsible and loves kids. We've started training her this week.

My greatest fear is that he will become so attached to the helper he'll forget me. My friend assures me this won't happen, if I give Marc my 101% when I'm home with him, he will know and he will not forget that I'm his mummy. My consolation is that the Husband will have more time with him so if anything, he'll become more attached to daddy, which is fine with me. The helper won't have it easy either. I've been spoiling Marc by letting him latch on to breastfeed during the day when he's fretful and it lulls him to sleep. When I'm tired I feed him lying down and we both drift into sweet sleep together. I'm not too sure how she's going to pacify him! The one thing I've tried to avoid is breastfeeding him at night so that he doesn't get into the habit and require the breast to fall asleep.

Christmas is coming up and there's just so many things to do...cherishing every minute!

Marc's First Holiday

We made it! A 6 day roadtrip from Singapore to KL and Penang with a 3 month old baby. Some people thought we had lost our mind, but we prepared our checklists, packed our bags and went anyway. I fell sick with my second bout of mastitis the day before we left. I was so knocked out I had to ask my mother in law to come over to help babysit whilst I took lots of panadol, nurofen and antibiotics and prayed real hard that I would get well. The pain is one thing, the fatigue and fever is another. Thankfully, I was well enough to travel the next day and we made it to KL! Everything takes much longer with a baby - we had to stop often to change his diapers, etc, but we still enjoyed the trip. We drove from Singapore to KL on the first day and stayed one night, then travelled to Penang the next day and attended my friend's wedding. Stayed another night before driving back to KL the next day where we stayed for another 2 nights.

I've concluded that the best formula for a road trip with an infant involves a few things:
1) Lots of prayer!
2) Preparation preparation preparation (checklists, packing, etc)
3) A good attitude (see every detour or change in plans as an opportunity)
4) Flexibility (all your plans will be awry cos baby gets tired, etc)
5) A hotel that is located right next to a shopping mall and lots of food (you won't be able to go out much with a young baby)

We stayed at MiCasa in KL and G Hotel in Penang. We loved the G Hotel! It was right next to Gurney Plaza and all the food stalls on Gurney Drive. The Husband and I took turns to shop and ate in the hotel most of the time as Marc needed his naps, which worked out just fine cos the hotel is lovely! Check it out:
http://www.ghotel.com.my/
We managed to devour all the local delights in the comfort of our room and watched Heroes on DVD at night. We also got to catch up on sleep! Yay!

As for Marc - he enjoyed himself lots. There was always something new to see and do, and he dozed off really easily in the car cos of the rocking motion. His cot in G Hotel was placed right next to the full length window, so he got a sea view everyday! He's lately become SUPER talkative - he used to only respond when spoken to, now he talks to his rattle, to himself, to anyone who goes up to say hi. He especially loves having his diaper changed and bum wiped along with his daily baths.

Of course, packing for such a trip is like moving house - that's why we decided to drive, there are just too many things to bring along! We survived and are thinking of the next challenge - taking him on a trip that involves a change in timezone!

10 Weeks Old!

Its amazing how time flies...Marc is already 10 weeks old! He's become very talkative of late, talking to us, to strangers, to the air, to anything in general. I went out to lunch with my colleagues today and the Husband babysat him for a while. When I came home, he was extremely chatty, almost as if he had so much to tell me about his 2 hours with daddy. He is now 5.5kg. According to the Paed, he was below average weight when born. He's now slightly above average, which means his weight gain is rapid. The poor guy has a serious reflux problem though. He has to take Zantac, which cuts down the acid production in the stomach and reduces the pain in his throat when he regurgitates. He hates the medicine, so the only way to fool him is to syringe it really quickly into his mouth and stick the bottle in before he has time to scream. I've also started to freeze some breast milk in preparation of my return to work. In the bid to increase milk supply, I took fenugreek 2 days in a row. This resulted in a serious case of mastitis - infection of the milk duct. It was horrible - pain, lethargy and fever. And it had to happen on a Sunday that the Husband had MBA class. But the Lord certainly knows our need - just the night before, a sister from Church rang to offer to babysit Marc in Church so that I could listen to the message. After his 5am feed on Sunday morning, fever struck. I was pretty zonked out at Church but managed to listen to most of the message thanks to this sister!

So at the end of the day, a lack of milk is no good. Too much milk is no good either. Conclusion - be content with what you have! The Husband has been asking me to consider stopping breastfeeding to make life easier for myself and to avoid having to pump at regular intervals at work. I'm still going to persist...

We will be going on a family holiday to Malaysia, partly to visit the Husband's grandparents and partly to attend a friend's wedding. We're praying Marc will enjoy the car ride there and not scream his head off the entire way!

Marc's getting very strong too. Bathing is difficult - he loves his baths so he kicks up a storm. A slippery, strong, wet 5.5kg baby is not easy to handle. I keep telling the Husband something bad is going to happen. And it happened today. Marc got particularly excited and whilst trying to wash his groin area with one hand and supporting him with the other, he went under completely for one second. I scooped him up really quickly and he sat there stunned for 30 seconds. Then it finally registered and he screamed his lungs out! The good side is that his face was really clean after that! No need to use cotton wool to cleanse! We've been trying to find bath solutions and wanted to purchase a bath cum changing table. But a friend with a bigger and older baby told us it won't take the weight after a while - they are considering bathing the baby with a tub on the floor - which is currently what we're doing now!

Marc the Lady Killer

We brought Marc to see a renown lactation consultant, Mrs Wong Boh Boi last Tuesday. We attended her prenatal class and enjoyed it lots. She works at Thomson Medical Centre ("TMC") and is well known in Singapore for her baby-handling skills and knowledge. The Parentcraft centre at TMC is amazing - they have well-trained staff to help you with breastfeeding, all manner of breast pumps, classes on baby massage and care, etc. We arrived at 9am in the morning and after a short wait, I was ushered into a room and fed warm milo. The staff helped me to breastfeed Marc and noted that his latch was good, but his problem was that after the initial few minutes, he starts to nibble and ocassionally fall asleep at the breast. This was why he was taking an hour to feed and still ended up hungry. They also have a super duper machine that weighs the baby before a feed and after, so that they can determine how much the baby has drunk. After an hour of intense feeding, latching and un-latching him and breast compressions, he had only drunk 70ml! No wonder he was still hungry, he is full normally with 150ml!

We were told to leave Marc behind, go out and relax and have a nice lunch and return at 1.30pm to breastfeed him again. This is to determine that milk supply wasn't the problem. We were THRILLED! An afternoon without Marc was heaven-sent. We love the kid and all, but it can get very tiring facing a crying baby all day at home. Needless to say - we had Japanese food for lunch and I was so happy, my milk supply was SUPER abundant that day!

After returning to Parentcraft we found Marc quietly swaddled and lying in a cot with Mrs Wong by his side chatting to him. The consultants said he had a lot of wind in his tummy and passed it all out after they applied tummy massage on him. Mrs Wong also commented that he didn't cry much and was good all morning - we were surprised! She mentioned that Marc likes older women and was checking out all the women coming in and out of the centre - he was not interested in the infant girls at all!

That marked the start of his new career as the lady killer. We brought him to a birthday party last week and he woke up from his nap, hungry for milk (or so I thought). Normal scenario at home: Scream and yell at top of his lungs for milk. Scenario at the party: All smiles and giggles at the aunties! We were shocked needless to say. This boy is an Aunty killer! All the girls gathered round him and commented how handsome he was....the Husband and I are thinking...oh no, he likes women more than food! And we thought he was obsessed enough about food, now this....this is going to be lots of trouble when he grows up!

Two landmark things from the past week.
Sunday Nov 4th - Marc's first service to the Lord - appearing on stage in Church with a bunch of young adults from ACTS to promote Family Day!

Monday Nov 5th - My first time out with Marc ALONE - pushed him out in the stroller for a walk to Holland Village. He was thrilled, but thankfully I had the sense to turn back after 25 minutes because he spent the last 5 minutes screaming at the top of his voice, inviting lots of stares from passers-by. I can attest that every first time parent's greatest fear is - CRYING. The crying is unnerving at first, then you get used to it when he cries at home. Crying in public is a totally different matter. The fear is crippling! You get people staring at you like you're some crazy parent letting your baby cry in the stroller. They have no idea that its perfectly normal for babies to cry and that they don't have to be picked up the minute they cry - a few minutes is good exercise for the lungs! But no...many well meaning strangers actually come up to you, open the hood over the stroller, touch the baby and start telling you what's wrong with him and why he's crying (and they ALWAYS say he's hungry). This has happenned to us COUNTLESS times (and Marc's not even that old) and its always someone from the older generation who does that. I don't understand why - first of all, we don't know you! Secondly - please mind your own business. Thirdly - talking and smiling at a stranger's baby is perfectly fine, but TOUCHING without asking is way out of line...This strange phenomena happens everywhere we go and sometimes we cover the stroller hood as a hint for the person to "please go away" but they still don't get it! Friends from overseas - please tell me if this has happenned to you or if this is a Singapore phenomena!

A good friend commented that its been a week since Mum and Dad have left and I was still sounding cheerful. I hadn't realised its been a week already! Yes, the fatigue is a constant companion but we're getting the hang of things and becoming more familiar with taking care of him. Each day has been full of little mercies from God and we can see His hand at work with each step we take. Time flies - Marc is exactly 8 weeks old today!

Thanks Mum

Upon reflection, I've realised how misinformed I was about motherhood before I became a mother. I know that I've always wanted to have kids and be a mother, but I really had to idea what it entailed. I now have a deeper and greater understanding of a mother's heart and this has made me appreciate my Mum a lot more.

The past few weeks has really taught me a lot about myself. I'm a real control freak and even when things are beyond your control at work, its always manageable. Handling a baby really teaches you about helplesness. The kind of helplesness that drives you to your wits end and you have no choice but to say "help me Lord" - and really mean it! This has really humbled me and taught me the true meaning of dependence. I've never really had to depend on God till now and its truly a day by day dependence for everything. I'm in constant conversation with God, although most times the conversation sounds like "please make him sleep Lord!" or "please help him burp Lord"! I'm the sort of person that wants answers - but I've learnt that sometimes, there is no answer and perhaps God doesn't want me to have the answer - at least not just yet! This is tough for a control freak, but perhaps there's no other way for me to learn these lessons unless I become a mother!

After Aunty Mei Lan left, Mum and Dad came to stay with us. Chores were split up between everyone in the house. Dad was in charge of sterilising all the bottles and feeding equipment, laundry, general hygiene and all the other "hardware" sort of things around the house. Doesn't sound like much but I guarantee you that its kept him busy enough! There's lots of laundry for a baby even if we don't use cloth nappies. Mum did everything else - the cooking, the marketing, helping me to bottle feed Marc when I'm too pooped, bathe him when I'm totally exhausted, pat him to sleep, change his diapers, etc. Handling a baby day in and day out can wear anyone's patience thin and if not for Mum, I think Marc would have been left at the local orphanage by now! She has tirelessly volunteered to help and even wakes up at night when he cries for his feeds. Thankfully, I've never made her feed him at night as yet!

Mum is a very ambitious, assertive and business-savvy type of woman. I knew she took care of me but I didn't really know what that meant till now. She never gives up on Marc, even when he's really cranky and cried for the 200th time that day. She's always willing to help and patiently plays with him and entertains him. The best part is that she's really easygoing and doesn't insist that we handle Marc in HER way, but allows us to make our own decisions as parents. I'm thankful for the many mornings that she's taken over feeding and burping Marc when I'm too tired from countless night feeds.

Both Mum and Dad return to the US on Monday and we will miss them lots!! Thanks Mum for all that you've done for me, a lot of which I haven't really understood till now. And thanks for all the help you've rendered to us in the past few weeks. Thanks for being so encouraging and telling me that I can do it as long as I've set my mind to it, which means a lot to me during moments of helplesness. Thanks for giving up the chance to eat a proper meal to take care of Marc so that I can have a proper meal. Thanks for patiently "grooming" Marc and painstakingly giving him "facials" to remove his cradle cap. Thanks for babysitting so that we can have some time alone. The fact that you and Dad managed to take care of me in my infant days without any hired help is encouragement enough for me to know that it can be done! I will miss not just the help around the house but having an adult around the house to share a decent conversation with during the day! Now we're on our own and another chapter of lessons await us in the months ahead.

Marc is growing fast and learning new things each day. He's able to army-crawl on his belly, which is amazing for a 6 week old. His arms and legs are really strong and he can flip out of your hands if your grip is not firm enough. I've dropped him several times, which didn't result in him actually hitting the ground but being suspended in mid air with whatever part of his body I still have left in my hands! His reflexes are fast and his ears are sharp, so much so that he startles at the slightest sound. He's recently started trying to converse with us and smiles lots - as long as he's full! He's still got an appetite of a monster and feels heavier each day - partly due to weight gain and partly due to arm fatigue! We're slowly getting the hang of parenthood - there's so much to learn, not just for Marc but for us!

An Unwell Baby - the next greatest challenge

Whoever said that maternity leave is a 3 month holiday is obviously a man with no kids. No mother who takes care of her kids herself would ever agree with that statement.

Baby Marc is generally good natured and easygoing...I started him on a routine recommended by Gina Ford, author of the "New Contended Baby Book". http://www.contentedbaby.com/
It advocates putting babies into a routine so that there are set sleep, feed and playtimes. I was amazed that Marc actually woke and fed naturally in accordance with the recommended times, and managed to sleep for a 4 hour stretch at night. That was until Sunday.

He got over tired and didn't manage to nap during his afternoon nap which meant that he got super cranky in the evening. This resulted in lots of crying, which may or may not have led to lots of wind in the tummy. He was inconsolable from Sunday till today and between Mum, Dad, the Husband and me, we've been taking turns to console him and put him to sleep. We've also been using colic drops to ease his discomfort. Its heart wrenching to see your baby in obvious pain and screaming his head off, with nothing much you can do to calm him.

Still we are positive and praying that he will recover soon. Apparently they outgrow this phase when their digestive system is more mature.

Since the confinement nanny left, my free time is now a luxury. My days are a blur of feeds, small snatches of times for meals, going to the loo and showering when someone else is tending to him. Still, its important to see the positive side of things. Motherhood trains you to be patient, humble and totally dependent on God. For those husbands out there reading this - your support is absolutely essential to your wife's sanity. Don't think that looking after the baby is "her job" - its a 24 hour job with no lunch breaks, no smoke breaks and no job scope! You must offer to help so that she can take a nap or even pee during the day.

Here are some gift ideas for those of you thinking of buying your friend who is a new Mum something (disclaimer - only applies of the Mum is looking after baby herself, otherwise some items will be redundant).

1) A Waterproof Apron - very useful for baths. Baby normally pees on Mummy just before or just after entering his bath. This will save Mummy less of a laundry hassle.

2) A Massager that can be operated single handedly and without the help of another human being - sore necks and backs are a norm for mum's, whether breastfeeding or not. Imagine holding baby, 6-8 times a day for 30minutes at a stretch, with neck craned downwards towards baby while he feeds. This is a SUPER gift. Don't bother getting a spa voucher, she wouldn't have time to go out anyway.

3) A Breastfeeding pillow - a MUST for breastfeeding mums.

4) A voucher for Nursing clothes - a MUST for breastfeeding mums so that she can feed baby easily in public

5) An IPOD - I discovered its use recently. Good gift for breastfeeding Mums as listening to music whilst looking at babies pictures encourages letdown when expressing milk. To read more about letdown, go to:
http://www.babyworld.co.uk/information/baby/breastfeeding/breastfeeding_early_days.asp#Let-down

The day Aunty Mei Lan went home was a sad day for me. I had a short spell of feeling very depressed cos she has been such a great help. I think she grew attached to Marc as well and gave him an angpow before she left. I admit there was a twinge of envy as I thought to myself - she gets to sleep for 8 hours tonight. But that was quickly replaced with the depression again. My first concern was - what do I do with night feeds? I have been expressing breast milk at 3 hour intervals at night and leaving them in the fridge for her to bottle feed Marc so that I can get some rest. How does waking up at 3 hour intervals equate to more rest you say? Well, feeding time is usually an hour - by the time he's finished drinking and burping. Expressing milk can be as fast as 15 minutes - that's a whole 45 minutes more sleep, which equates to A LOT!

That's when I decided - Marc really needs a routine because I can't be waking up to feed him based on a demand feeding schedule. That's 1 hour feeding time plus additional time to express milk - I might as well not sleep at night! The other great push factor for getting him into a routine is our ability continue to have a life! I can't see how being held hostage by his feeding demands as something healthy, especially if we want to be able to continue serving in Church and for me to go back to work after maternity leave. Plus we never really know what's wrong when he cries, is he hungry, is he tired, is he unwell? With a routine, its easy to tell because you know exactly how much sleep he needs and whether he's had enough and how much milk he needs and whether he's still hungry. It also means we can actually tell people when is a good time to drop by for a visit, or when we can come out to meet them for a meal, etc.

I may not be able to update my blog so regularly now that the confinement nanny has gone home...but I will still try so stay tuned for more updates!

Motherhood 101

Nothing you read or hear ever prepares you for motherhood, so I'm going to come up with my own Motherhood 101, in the hope that it will help first time Mums out there. These are the things they never told you in prenatal class and the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Now that I'm hitting the one month mark, I kind of feel qualified to give advice on motherhood!! This is what I've learnt in the past 4 weeks.

1) When they say you will be tired in the first few weeks, they mean you will be so tired, you will hit the tired barrier, after which you will be running on adrenaline and sheer willpower alone. The tiredness never goes away, you just get used to it.

2) You will get some form of the blues so make sure your partner is prepared for it. Recognise it for what it is, have a good cry, speak up about how you feel and realise that it will get better.

3) EVERYONE has an opinion and view on how baby should be taken care of and they are absolutely certain that their view is the only right view. Be prepared for it and don't let it affect you. It will usually make your blues worse if you take it to heart. Learn how to discern and sift through all advice wisely.

4) When you walk on the street with your baby, many strange aunties will come up to you and tell you that you are either carrying your baby the wrong way or not dressing him up with sufficient clothes, even in the 34degree Singapore heat.

5) You are not a bad mother, just a new one. (Courtesy of the Husband who has given me tons of assurance)

6) Don't feel bad about outsourcing - if there are people willing to care for your baby so that you can take a break, accept it!

7) The best way to increase your milk supply is to do something you like and stop focusing on the supply. For me, it involved getting out of the house with the Husband and leaving baby with the confinement nanny for a few hours.

8) The malay jamu wraps really work! Get a good and skilled therapist, the full body massage helps ease those aches and pains from 2 hourly breastfeeding sessions and from constantly straining your next to look downwards at your baby.

9) Babies cry all the time, don't freak out.

10) Talk to your friends to vent and don't be afraid to ask for help and advice from other Mums. It helped keep me sane.