Two more weeks

I can't believe how time flies. I've got 2 more weeks left to my maternity leave. It seemed like it was ages away and would never end... every day and every minute with Marc is precious and knowing that the prospect of returning to work draws nearer, I've become more patient with him and even his difficult moments are easier to bear. I will miss him heaps and heaps when I return - thankfully I return mid week on a Wednesday after new years', so it won't seem like a whole long week to face without him. I guess returning to work is a bittersweet experience. On the one hand, I will miss sharing his milestones, watching him smile and babble to me during the day time, taking him on our daily walks to Holland Village. On the other hand, its nice to have my own time and life back and being able to have a conversation with adults will be refreshing. I'm sure it will also help me be a better mother in a way, as I will treasure each moment when I'm with him and give him more quality time. As it is, I'm usually caught up with chores and other things during the day whilst he's most alert and wakeful, so he's had to learn to play on his own.

I'm apprehensive about how I will cope with the lack of sleep though! He's a good sleeper at night - usually in bed by 7.30pm, then woken up for a feed between 12-2am (depending on when the Husband and I go to sleep) and he wakes on his own between 5.30 to 6.30am. He's a horrible sleeper during the day though, he can't nap for longer than an hour, usually 30mins or 45mins, so he gets over tired very easily. The solution we've found is to take him out - he loves going out and looking around and when I walk to Holland Village in the Baby Bjorn, it lulls him to sleep on our return leg. The solution I've found for me is for me to express milk at 8pm, nap from 10pm to 12/1am, then feed him and do a last expression for the night until he wakes up in the morning. I get through the day drowsy but I'm more or less able to handle it without a nap.

We've decided to hire a domestic helper - balancing ministry, work, family and the Husband's part time study is possible without a helper, but it means either one of us spends time on chores (and trust me, scrubbing bottles and breast pump funnels takes AGES) which means less time for the other things that matter. A domestic helper also frees us up during the day when I'm at work and when the Husband needs to be out to attend meetings, etc. In a ministry that involves people, its not unusual for emergency meetings or crises to arise. A domestic helper gives us the flexibility to be available. My in laws have been very kind to allow us to transfer their existing helper to us. She's been with them for a couple of years and is responsible and loves kids. We've started training her this week.

My greatest fear is that he will become so attached to the helper he'll forget me. My friend assures me this won't happen, if I give Marc my 101% when I'm home with him, he will know and he will not forget that I'm his mummy. My consolation is that the Husband will have more time with him so if anything, he'll become more attached to daddy, which is fine with me. The helper won't have it easy either. I've been spoiling Marc by letting him latch on to breastfeed during the day when he's fretful and it lulls him to sleep. When I'm tired I feed him lying down and we both drift into sweet sleep together. I'm not too sure how she's going to pacify him! The one thing I've tried to avoid is breastfeeding him at night so that he doesn't get into the habit and require the breast to fall asleep.

Christmas is coming up and there's just so many things to do...cherishing every minute!