Back to the office

So everyone's been asking me - "how do you feel about going back to work". (May I add that going back to work isn't a fair question - staying home is very hard work. Hence I've used the title "going back to the office".

If you read through my old posts, after having Marc, I started crying a week before going back to work. I missed him even before I left the house. Yeah - i'm super emo - that's why I married such a strong stable man like the Husband.

Before I had kids, I was certain I wanted to stop work and become a stay home mum. Why? Because nothing beats mummy right? How can anyone replace a mother's love, care and nurturing? I was left in the care of my grandmother when I was young and really really missed my mum when she left for work. I remember looking out the window of grandma's flat, arching my neck waiting for mummy to come pick me. And I resolved not to have my kids feel that way. So when Marc came along, I dreaded going back to work and was consumed with guilt whenever I was away from him. I eventually got over that and managed to obtain approval for a part time work arrangement which I love love love. As he grew, I realised that he flourished with or without me.

After Evan came along, I was really happy to go back to work once my maternity leave ended.




Yes he was quite a terror to look after, but any mum will attest that staying home to look after kids is not easy. I told my friends that going to work is a break for me - and got incredulous looks (except from fellow mums who gave me knowing nods). But a big part of why I was happy to come back to work was the realisation that there's only so much I can humanly do for my kids. They belong to God and He loves them much more than I do. He takes special care of them and watches over them. I realised that whilst a mother's love cannot be replaced, having mummy stay home 24/7 is not always the best. Every family is different - i have friends who are stay home mums with zero outside help in the form of parents and domestic help. They truly have my admiration as it's not easy at all. I'm not sure how I would stay sane as a stay home mum and a loopy mummy is all round bad news for the home. The Husband is very hands on and I think it's apparent that he's much much better at handling the kids than I am. When I'm away, the boys spend more time with daddy and to me, it's crucial for their development. And I'm thankful to say they have turned out quite well as a result of that. I realised that I wasn't short changing them by going to work, albeit for 3 days a week and the mummy guilt eventually left me. I did take a step back in terms of pay and career progression, but you can't have it all. That's another blog post all together so I shan't digress. God has also sent us the right helpers at the right time and I'm really thankful for a reliable helper and parents and in laws who never hesitate to lend a hand with the kids.

So as my third maternity draws to a close, how do I feel about coming back to work? I'd say it's a mix between my past 2 maternities. It's nice to be able to dress up, stay in an aircon office, eat with both my hands, use the toilet without an audience and have adult conversation over lunch. On the other hand, after 3 kids, I've come to realise that they grow so so quickly. Evan turns 2 next week. Before I know it I will be selecting what to wear for Isabel's wedding! With 3 little ones, I just can't find enough time in a day to be a part of their antics. Whether it's Marc's crazy stories, Evan's cheeky grin or Isabel's latest milestone, every minute with them is a privilege.

Choosing to stay home would have been the easiest option - with 3 kids, juggling their feeds and schedules would confound the most skillful circus performer. Yet I know that my calling isn't to be a stay home mum - at least not now, not this season. And being in the centre of God's will is the best place to be.

So how did I usher in my going back to work? Well wouldn't you know it - by eating of course!








Last week it was waffles from Creamier in Toa Payoh. Truly the best I've ever tried. Today it was mazechirashi from Aoki. Seriously good stuff, better than the chirashi we had in Japan! I'd find any reason to eat. ;)

Now to pack my pump - my bags - my snacks - my oils - and to adjust to a whole new routine. Here we go!