We brought the kid to the zoo yesterday. The only animals he really looked at were the zebras and the lions, probably cos there are pictures of them on his bedroom wall. He was most enthralled not by the animals but by a little Japanese girl that ran past his stroller - he almost climbed out of his stroller looking at her....sigh...its back to older women again. (at least she was pretty, he has good taste!)
He has sprouted 2 little teeth on the bottom row of his gums - very cute but also a source of amusement for him. He keeps chewing on things and using his tongue and lips to play with them. Just today, he bit me 3 times while trying to nurse him. I think I shall have to stop soon or risk drawing blood as he sprouts more teeth. We clean them with a pigeon baby tooth cleaner twice a day.
He's now able to sit without support, but he's so gung ho that he throws himself forwards and backwards, with no regard of his personal safety. What's even worse is that he's not afraid of pain. Just the other day he was crawling around on our bed when we heard a hollow knock - from the position he was in he must have knocked his head on the chest of drawers at the foot of our bed. He yelled a little, then continued thrashing around. A little while later we found a little red patch on his forehead - he didn't seem to care one bit! He's still causing us pain when he knocks into us but he doesn't seem to be fazed by it. I reckon he can play rugby when he grows up.
He likes his jumperoo. There are little toys around the jumperoo that fascinate him. hat fascinated us was how he could use his tiny fingers to spin the little wheels with such dexterity - he doesn't just use his fingers to manually spin them, he knows how to flick them with such force that they spin at maximum speed.
He is also starting to show how greedy he is...just the other day he yelled at his Aunty Eunice because she was eating in front of him - he wanted to eat her vegetarian bee hoon! I experimented with a beef stew recipe on Saturday and my helper tells me he ate half a bowl! She had to stop feeding him because she was worried he would overeat.
I'm still finding it a struggle to spend enough time with Marc. He sleeps a little later, around 8 when he's tired and 9 on a very good day. Including a short while in the morning before I leave for work, I get maybe 2 hours with him a day. I think its hard to really be close to or build a relationship with someone you see 2 hours a day. At times, I feel like I'm being drawn and quartered - pulled in many different directions, doing many things at once and not excelling at any. I think its something many working mothers struggle with. I had a conversation with the Husband and told him I worry that Marc will become a latchkey kid - we have no choice but to leave him with the helper for extended periods during the day and sometimes on weekends when we serve at our young adults ministry. The Husband thinks I'm crazy and he's far from becoming one, but I can't help worrying. Before I became a mother I thought that I would take him along to all our meetings but I've come to realise these are ideals that are not practical in reality. If I bring him along without the Helper, I have to be prepared to not participate at all in any meaningful discussions or meetings. Everyone else offers to help but it also means that they miss out on the discussion. For the rest, he serves as a distraction - not a good idea at serious meetings or prayer. Plus he still gets really cranky at nights. So we leave him at home. Which means I feel torn again, between work, motherhood and ministry. I miss him when I'm at work or at ministry meetings, but I feel guilty if I stay at home with him and don't attend these meetings. I remember feeling totally cooped up during maternity leave, but now that I'm back at work I can't wait to get home to see him. As a working Mum, you can't win!
I spoke to a colleague this week who travels a lot for work and has 3 children at home. She is from an European country, where domestic helpers are not easily available. She has a babysitter that comes in the daytime. I ask her how she manages to look after all 3 of them, cook dinner and do all the chores when she gets home. She answered saying she doesn't do it well - dinner is a half baked job and her kids miss her all the time. But we make a choice as working mothers and we have to live with it. I could see the emotions behind her eyes as she spoke to me and I shared the feeling.
I realise that even if I'm a stay at home mum and saw Marc a lot, it doesn't guarantee that he will turn out "right" - he could still be a real terror. At the end of the day, I realise that I have to trust God more, do my best, pray and leave the rest to Him. If I depend on myself, I will always lose whether I work full time or not. Life is full of choices and I just pray that I'm sensitive to that still small voice to always make the right ones.
Everyone tells me Marc is so sociable and and its nice that he doesn't mind letting anyone carry him. I tell them it makes me a very insecure mother, as he doesn't show a preference for me above everyone else! Just this week, he appeared to display a little stranger anxiety. He burst into tears after seeing me when someone unfamiliar was carrying him. The Husband teased me and said I must be pleased - its really selfish but yes, it felt good!!! Maybe he does know who is Mummy is afterall!
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