The end of a momentous journey

Marc's coming to 8 months old and I'm thankful I've managed to continue to breastfeed him thus far. He's decided that he doesn't want to suckle anymore - I don't blame him, drinking from a bottle is so much easier and faster. Plus sucking on a pacifier has its benefits - he can sink his teeth right into it and the pacifier won't react. So my milk supply has been dropping steadily but surely. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to freedom again - no more lugging around my pump (which every male colleague thinks is my gym bag) and I'm free to wear anything I like (nursing bras aren't fun, trust me)...on the other hand I miss having my baby nestled close to me and being able soothe and nourish him at the same time. Its a bittersweet journey but I'm glad I persevered!

Marc's latest adventures include his first injury, jumping himself silly on the Jumperoo and flirting with secondary school girls at NTUC Finest Supermarket.

1) Injury
It was 9pm after we returned from dinner with the in-laws and Marc was drowsy and sleepy. I placed him at the foot of the mattress on our Japanese platform, turned and walked a few steps to get something from his basket...at the same time, my helper walked into the room with his sleep sack getting ready to dress him for bed. Literally - in the twinkle of an eye, he managed to fall headfirst onto the floor. Neither of us saw how it happenned, my helper lunged forward to catch him, but neither of us got there on time. The result - screaming at the top of his lungs for half an hour...after which he was so tired he fell asleep. The next day he had a small bruise above his left brow. I still can't figure out how he fell, from the position where I left him and the way that he fell. All I know is that he landed on his head.

Needless to say, I was worried all night, madly smsing my doctor friend to see if I needed to watch out for signs of concussion. She assured me that he would be perfectly fine and that her kids have fallen out of the playpen countless times.

I thought that would teach Marc not to peer over the edge of the bed and attempt to jump off. I couldn't be more wrong - he wanted to jump off again! I'm thinking he'll be into all sorts of extreme sports next time...I better start getting him an insurance policy!

2) Jumperoo
I'm convinced that by the time I return it in May - it will be damaged! (Don't tell the good folks at rent a toy.com) Marc has figured out how to jump in the Jumperoo and he jumps with all his might. The poor toy is wobbling away but he doesn't seem to care. We've resorted to making it one level higher so that he has less leeway to propel himself upwards. Now I'm worried about damaging his knees from the impact!

3) Flirting with girls
The Husband brought Marc supermarketing the other day. He was amazed - looking around at all the food from his trolley seat and attemping to grab as much as he could reach. Then he spotted 3 secondary school girls and turned to face them, yelling at them to attract their attention. They turned to look at him and started cooing at him. The Husband told Marc that he was too young for them, to which one of them replied and said "its ok, I'll wait for you!".

I've got 2 teeth!

We brought the kid to the zoo yesterday. The only animals he really looked at were the zebras and the lions, probably cos there are pictures of them on his bedroom wall. He was most enthralled not by the animals but by a little Japanese girl that ran past his stroller - he almost climbed out of his stroller looking at her....sigh...its back to older women again. (at least she was pretty, he has good taste!)

He has sprouted 2 little teeth on the bottom row of his gums - very cute but also a source of amusement for him. He keeps chewing on things and using his tongue and lips to play with them. Just today, he bit me 3 times while trying to nurse him. I think I shall have to stop soon or risk drawing blood as he sprouts more teeth. We clean them with a pigeon baby tooth cleaner twice a day.

He's now able to sit without support, but he's so gung ho that he throws himself forwards and backwards, with no regard of his personal safety. What's even worse is that he's not afraid of pain. Just the other day he was crawling around on our bed when we heard a hollow knock - from the position he was in he must have knocked his head on the chest of drawers at the foot of our bed. He yelled a little, then continued thrashing around. A little while later we found a little red patch on his forehead - he didn't seem to care one bit! He's still causing us pain when he knocks into us but he doesn't seem to be fazed by it. I reckon he can play rugby when he grows up.

He likes his jumperoo. There are little toys around the jumperoo that fascinate him. hat fascinated us was how he could use his tiny fingers to spin the little wheels with such dexterity - he doesn't just use his fingers to manually spin them, he knows how to flick them with such force that they spin at maximum speed.

He is also starting to show how greedy he is...just the other day he yelled at his Aunty Eunice because she was eating in front of him - he wanted to eat her vegetarian bee hoon! I experimented with a beef stew recipe on Saturday and my helper tells me he ate half a bowl! She had to stop feeding him because she was worried he would overeat.

I'm still finding it a struggle to spend enough time with Marc. He sleeps a little later, around 8 when he's tired and 9 on a very good day. Including a short while in the morning before I leave for work, I get maybe 2 hours with him a day. I think its hard to really be close to or build a relationship with someone you see 2 hours a day. At times, I feel like I'm being drawn and quartered - pulled in many different directions, doing many things at once and not excelling at any. I think its something many working mothers struggle with. I had a conversation with the Husband and told him I worry that Marc will become a latchkey kid - we have no choice but to leave him with the helper for extended periods during the day and sometimes on weekends when we serve at our young adults ministry. The Husband thinks I'm crazy and he's far from becoming one, but I can't help worrying. Before I became a mother I thought that I would take him along to all our meetings but I've come to realise these are ideals that are not practical in reality. If I bring him along without the Helper, I have to be prepared to not participate at all in any meaningful discussions or meetings. Everyone else offers to help but it also means that they miss out on the discussion. For the rest, he serves as a distraction - not a good idea at serious meetings or prayer. Plus he still gets really cranky at nights. So we leave him at home. Which means I feel torn again, between work, motherhood and ministry. I miss him when I'm at work or at ministry meetings, but I feel guilty if I stay at home with him and don't attend these meetings. I remember feeling totally cooped up during maternity leave, but now that I'm back at work I can't wait to get home to see him. As a working Mum, you can't win!

I spoke to a colleague this week who travels a lot for work and has 3 children at home. She is from an European country, where domestic helpers are not easily available. She has a babysitter that comes in the daytime. I ask her how she manages to look after all 3 of them, cook dinner and do all the chores when she gets home. She answered saying she doesn't do it well - dinner is a half baked job and her kids miss her all the time. But we make a choice as working mothers and we have to live with it. I could see the emotions behind her eyes as she spoke to me and I shared the feeling.

I realise that even if I'm a stay at home mum and saw Marc a lot, it doesn't guarantee that he will turn out "right" - he could still be a real terror. At the end of the day, I realise that I have to trust God more, do my best, pray and leave the rest to Him. If I depend on myself, I will always lose whether I work full time or not. Life is full of choices and I just pray that I'm sensitive to that still small voice to always make the right ones.

Everyone tells me Marc is so sociable and and its nice that he doesn't mind letting anyone carry him. I tell them it makes me a very insecure mother, as he doesn't show a preference for me above everyone else! Just this week, he appeared to display a little stranger anxiety. He burst into tears after seeing me when someone unfamiliar was carrying him. The Husband teased me and said I must be pleased - its really selfish but yes, it felt good!!! Maybe he does know who is Mummy is afterall!

Cutie Pie

The Husband and I love this shot, especially his cheeky smile! My Dad took this picture...



I have emerged from this weekend rather injured. I have a cut on my lip cos Marc rammed his head into my face and my lips split against my tooth. He also decided to bite me whilst breastfeeding. Yup, not fun.

His latest trick, rotating both his hands whilst keeping them extended, so he looks like he's hula dancing. Very cute.

I've rented a jumperoo for Marc since he loves jumping so much. It should arrive early this week...apparently looks like this:



I figured I might as well let him jump this heart's content and expend all his energy so that he can sleep better at night.